Sunday, June 15

It's been a while since I wrote on this page. Not much has happened. Damn this was pointless.

Friday, March 28

I'm so bored in english class with sr. anna louisa. ugh. well, at least ms. garcia aint here. that would be tragic.

Thursday, March 20

I lack the will to live.

Wednesday, March 12

ugh! my parents piss me off so much! they want to pay for my prom, which sounds good but then they don't want me to work b/c my aunt is worried about me cuz i get home late. i like working and having my own moey. i hate just going home right after school to do nothing. they said that my aunt worries about me cuz i get home late. the fuck? if you're worried about me the ask me; call me; you have my goddamned cell phone number on speed dial. the frustration never fucking ends. shit. i hate that shit. i'm not 5 years old anymore. i hate that my aunt can't just ask me where i am or where i was. damnit!

Monday, March 10

well, i guess things change and i'm moving on up...moving on up....to a deluxe apartment in the skyyyyyyyyyy...oh moving on up....moving on up...we finally got a piece of the pie...

sorry, jeffersons moment.

no but seriously, i feel like i cannot relate to Angie, Tati and Nichelle anymore. i've always felt like it was them and then me. i've been feeling like this since the end of the summer and i ignored it cuz i didn't think anything of it. i guess my perspective on things changed when my mom abandoned me and i was having guy drama and i wasn't getting along with my aunt and i was in charge of paying for everything and then lost my job and on top of that, i was practically failing math and have low self esteem. i had to grow up quicker than i expected and i feel that i might be too mature for them or they might be too immature for me. i don't feel we are on the same level and theyre internally 12 years old and i'm internally 21 years old. i don't feel like i'm missing out on my childhood or that i'll regret the way i am. i don't feel that way at all. i was definately not influenced by anyone and i came to this conclusion on my own.
This Rage
I claw at my skin
Yearning to be free
Trapped in my body
Need to set my mind free
I don’t want to live in reality
Can I retreat to a place
Where I think freely
Reality distresses me
Oh, how cruel it can be
To live in this reality
What a preposterous dream
I have to live in my world
Maybe I should sit where
The stars shine
Then maybe I could stop crying

Fallen Angel
Oh,
These broken wings,
These blood stained white garments,
This tarnished halo,
These perpetual tears that taint my cheeks.
Fallen Angel
From above
Cast down to live
Fallen from grace.
Cursed humanangelic weakness
Shackle me
Bind me to
Sin
Known and unknown.
Cry, my soul
Scream, my mind
Heart heavy
With grievance
With sorrow.
An insatiable thirst
For pious intercession
For a way back home
Parch my lips and mouth.
Is this my destiny
Eternal dammination
Damned to live
In so cold a world
In so murderous a world
In a place so dreary and disgraceful.
Or must I find
The silver lining of this
Dark, murky and bleak cloud.
Oh,
These broken wings
These blackened white garments,
This rusted halo,
These eternal tears that dampen my cheeks.
This blood from my wounds
That never they will heal.
Fallen Angel
From above
Humanangelic weakness
Damns me
And my agonizing screams fall on
Deafened ears
Heaven help me
This brings tears
To my weary eyes
Oh, heaven help me

Thursday, March 6

Is it wrong to desire?
To feel a need, a want
Feeling like a drive
To feel alive
To feel all senses keenly

Why do I see you?
In my thoughts
In my dreams
I cannot deny
Feelings that make me tingly
For your lips on mine
Sad it is that you cannot
Feel what I feel for you
I may never kiss you
Again
Only if you feel

The rain touches my skin
Hard and swiftly dampens my garments
Lighting flickers
Rolling thunder in the distance
As I lay here in the rain
My body becomes one with
Rain
As it should be

I don’t want to die before
I feel
The warmth of love on my lips
In my soul
To feel love as sweet as honey
To have it for just while